Who I Am
by Inked-Pawprints
Summary: "You don't have to go." "…I couldn't disagree more." / Oneshot / Prucan


"You don't have to go."

"…I couldn't disagree more."

Tears rolled down pale cheeks, faint tracks that caught the reflection of the car's headlights. "You really don't, though. I'm here. Your life is here. _Everything _we've worked for is here. Why do you need to, then?"

The man ran a hand agitatedly through colorless hair, huffing out a sigh and turning his rich, wine-colored eyes to meet the wet blue ones searching his face. "I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I know the days have passed when I was Prussia, one who fought and killed and won for what I thought was right and when I knew who I was. Who am I now? I don't know. And that bothers me."

The taller blond stepped forward and caught him in a hug, burying his head in the folds of the dark jacket that clung to the other man. "You are who I love. Isn't that enough?"

The other stiffened at the contact, unsure and wary due to centuries of war. When he spoke, it was barely above a whisper, a sound almost lost to the growing wind. "I don't know. I know I love you. I know you are who I want forever. Can I truly love you, though, if I don't know who _I _am?"

"You are Gilbert. You are a person who raised Germany to become a major world power. You are someone who loves early mornings and the thrill of the hunt and pancakes with syrup, no whipped cream or coffee to go with. You are someone who wants to prove others wrong, someone who doesn't believe in impossible. You are mine."

"I still don't know. I don't think I'll know, either, until I go."

"Is it what you want?" the question was a catch 22; loaded with double meaning and fragile like fine, tempered glass. He knew it too; he knew that what was being asked was whether he still loved Canada, whether it was his fault for Prussia's loss of self, whether he would come back if he left.

Twisting in the embrace, he kissed the underside of Matthew's jaw. "I love you. I'll always be here for you. It's not what I want; it's what I need. I need to understand who I am before I can love you entirely and completely, and be the person who deserves someone as awesome as you."

He felt Canada slump, disappointment and sadness seeping into his posture, and felt guilty for doing this to the person he loved. The wind picked back up again, stealing the words that were spoken into his jacket. "Say what again?"

"Are you sure?" he could hear the pleading in the soft voice, and it almost was enough to stop him.

Nodding his head, he hugged the other tightly, whispering a promise only for Matthew's ears. "I'll come back. I swear it."

Stepping back, the other scrubbed at his eyes furiously, trying to stop the oncoming tears. "Okay. I trust you."

Prussia climbed into the faded black car, revving the engine and checking that he had enough gas. Rolling down the window, he leaned out to face the other fully.

"I promise. I'll be back, probably sooner than later. I love you."

Immeasurable sadness set the lips he loved crooked in longing, a feeling that reached the violet eyes looking back. " Please come back. Please come back soon. I love you too, and I'll always want you, regardless of who you find yourself to be."

"I'll remember that. Stay awesome, Matt. See ya soon." The window slid shut with a click, in sync with the moment Prussia his the gas peddle. The fast car shot out into the night, swallowed by the falling evening and black clouds that sat on the horizon.

"Goodbye, Gil."

* * *

_my mom saw this up on the laptop and we had a talk. whoops. Silly gay prucan. why you do this to me?_

Hetalia isn't mine. These REALLY SHORT oneshots are a prequel to a bigger story I'm getting around to. Sorry it's kind sad.

David Archuleta - Who I Am

Days like these  
It's hard to breathe

I'm gonna take this moment that I'm in right now  
Stop the craziness some how  
Leave it all behind me  
I know it's gonna find me  
I've got nothing to win, I've got nothing to lose  
Just trying to walk in my own two shoes  
Gotta take some time now  
It's time for me to find out who I am


End file.
